Whoa nellie!

...and after that catharsis of questions, i am going to paint, paint, paint! Got to test my theories. 

What is this painting doing?

My exercise for today is to talk about what my painting is actually doing. Here goes:

The painting is about immediacy.

The painting emphasizes the act of painting.

The painting makes clear it's ingredients (material, method, surface, etc.)

The painting is about communicating without/before words (body language of the paint is that of the artist). Therefore I am more transparent as an artist (not nec. person) through the painting.

The painting emphasizes the author/artist hand.

The painting employs color as a viscerally communicative and atmospheric device.

The color revolves around a primary sensibility: red, green, blue, black, brown, white, etc.

The paint is obviously handled by brushes.

The paint is controlled yet the intent of control is not known to the viewer.

The painting references a landscape.

The painting format is square.

The painting reminds me of a Joan Mitchell abex painting. This pisses me off.

The painting reminds others of Cecily Brown's paintings. This pisses me off.

The painting composition is directing attention towards the middle- kinda like an x or crosshairs.

The painting looks fresh and shiny, almost wet.

The marks on the painting are predominately grouped into sections. This alludes to how the painting was made- again the body language of the artist.

Therefore, this painting is about the sensibility of the artist.

How will I disengage with myself in order to create work which engages in a larger art dialogue? (Why do I want it to be an "art dialogue"- a dialogue founded within current art sensibilities, implies subscribing and not transforming or challenging current ideological systems) How can I produce a conversation point with abstract visual language? How will I turn this natural compulsion to make and innate ability to execute two-dimensional imagery into a fundamental platform for future creativity? I think I must first neutralize the way I currently make paintings (in order to isolate my specific interest within perception and art- in order to get at the meat of making and past the surface level visual tropes I keep employing). By neutralizing, I mean obliterating the current way I use and think about color, line, mark, time, content, form, etc. I think I can achieve this by painting it out of me- a more conscious painting process that is concerned not with the image but the act that creates an image. Why is it important to me that this is not just beautiful, seductive imagery? How do I want the painting to frame a discussion? 

Right now, I perceive a disconnect between what I am reading/researching/learning and how I make the paintings. What is the relationship of content-to-form in my personal practice? How can I create a process that intertwines my process of uncovering content with the making? How can content manifest itself in abstract/non-objective visual language? Does the tension between these seemingly incompatible ingredients become the conversation of the painting?

If perception is my content of interest, how valid is it? I think that depends on the angle of perception I investigate. 

Is abstraction holding me back? Can mimetic techniques add anything constructive?  

Is abstract painting valid? Is painting valid? Is making art valid? Will it be valid in 20 years? In 1,000 years? Are these questions valid? More importantly, is my approach to these questions methodical and constructive?

Back2Basics

I'm in my first year of grad school, my first quarter of my first year. Although I attended art school for undergrad I feel like this is my first year of art school. This is the real deal. We're finally getting to the meat. I could have had more meat introduced in undergrad but I was not prepared/developed enough to grasp it in it's entirity (still am not, but oh well). I wonder if this sense of, "shit, I just figured something really fundamental out and I'm pretty old to be finally grasping fundamentals" which illuminates how many more fundamental building blocks are floating out there for me to encounter.  Anyhoo, here are some of my basic thoughts that I've been grappling with this week:

Perhaps the basis of perception is that everything we know and trust is measured with our senses. What role does intuition play? That impulse that negates and supercedes our empirical senses is a powerful, undeniable force. Our empirical senses are our equipment with which to measure and navigate the world. And art is one of the forerunners that fucks with them.

As an art viewer, do you willingly subject yourself to surrender? Do you willingly engage in order to question your empirical senses? Suspend your disbelief? How willingly do you disengage with habit and familiarity in order to engage in another form of reality and ideology? What does my work demand of you, the viewer? Is it purely rewarding? Is that enough to satisfy me? If not, exactly why?

How can a visual trope without a clear/literal allusion challenge or inform a viewer? How can marks, colors, composition, and facture reward, challenge, answer, question, stand the test of time (resonate after 50 years and not appear dated or exemplary of a specific decade?- and if it successful enough to do that, what would it look like???)? 

The million dollar question: So, if my interest is (insert interest/content/research subject here)  perception  then why painting?

What will researching the perception subject bring to the content and form of the paintings?

What kind of interweaving process of research/conceptualizing/planning and making can I develop to produce objects and situations?

What is the method in which I will pursue/research the subject?

In what way will I then approach the paintings?

In what way do I approach the relationship with those that buy my paintings?

In what way do I approach museums, galleries, or art spaces that would like to feature the work?

What role then does the research play?

What form does research take in terms of archiving?

DoA: III

Okay, here's the third installment of my definition of art:

What i love, love, love about art, why I seek it out, why I travel across continents for it's history, why I forgo things normal people would deem logical priorities... is that art is physical manifestation of ideas. Plain and simple. 

So, today I would define art as a manifestation of ideas which represents the artist/author's comprehension of historical fact, present moment, and a comment on the future in the form of physical/visual/tactile/auditory/experiential form.

The ideas I am most drawn to are those that are personal. Tiny but firm statements of notions that represent contemplation and comprehension of the gravity and possible implications of a subject. Combine that with physical (formal) tactile, visual, auditory, experiential qualities and you have something enriching. I want to be challenged. I want art to inform me and yet ask a question of me. I want art to be aware of itself but not overly aware and contrived. I want to be rewarded for my efforts of viewership. Some works do not reward as much as others- this could be based on the artist's intent or their failure. Recently, I became aware of this fact - this need or feeling of entitlement as viewer- to be rewarded for being a good viewer- this could be a bad thing. I will stop on this point for today.

DoA: II

For now, I define art as something that is artificial. If done well, it can stand the test of time to illuminate the past, present, and future. Although it is not necessarily an object, documentation does currently play a key role in posterity and communication.  It exists first in the mind of the artist then in the mind of the viewer. 

What I enjoy about art is that when I experience a piece of art, it stays with me and is later manifested consciously or unconsciously in what I make or in my daily life. Art has become both filter and a large set of ideas that I can apply to my everyday navigation of life.

OPERATION: DEFINITION OF ART

I'm starting a project. Let's call it: OPERATION: DoA.  I don't know where it will go or how it will resolve itself but I will use this blog as the platform/medium.  I am going to document how I define art.  Personally, I am fickle and my connotations of things change by the hour (soon to be by the minute).  So, I am going to periodically record my definition of art.  I hypothesize that it will change, evolve, and not end up where I began.  Also, I hope it also reveals that my mindset is expanding and loosening in my conception of what it art. 

So, I shall start simply:

Art is something that is teased into being.  It is artificial or utilizes artificial means to illuminate "that which" (- insert topic here) strikes the artist's fancy.  It is not limited to an object that one can behold.

That is all for today's DoA. Perhaps one day my DoA will be 10 pages long. Perhaps one day it will be one word.  Ultimately, it has to come from digesting lots of varied sources- first person and secondary.  It is not an excerpt from any source.  It must be in my words. 

CATCH UP

Dear Blog, 

So, alot has transpired since my last visit. I apologize for my lack of dedicated blogging. It's a conundrum: the more I post/blog, the more connected I feel to others; at the same time the more I blog, the less time I've spent in the studio. The more connected I am to the internet, the less time I've spent painting; the less time spent painting the less I have to show of myself, my ideas, my ideals, and everything that's been handed to me. I admit, I'm a bit jealous of those that have integrated this practice into their lives but I probably never will. 

Anyway, quickly, here is everything that's gone down since June:

JULY (in KCMO):

 

Had solo show that opened first Friday in June at the Arts Incubator- thanks to Jen and Chris Bohatyritz!! 

Participated in Kemper Museum's Artist Lecture Series -  gave presentation of work

Work featured in KCPT (local PBS) series "Uniquely Kansas City" 

Birthday: Turned 25! Room 39 with the Brown's; Matt threw a great "surprise" party!

Travel: LA 

visited Kate and Patrick (thanks for letting me stay with you!)

hit up The Pacific Ocean, LACMA, ACME gallery, Happy Lion, hiking in Will Rogers State Park, Pinkberry, etc.

Highlight: Monique van Genderen, Monica Pietro, and last but not least Allison Miller. 

Questionable celeb siting: Dennis Quaid on horseback at Rogers Park 

*shout-out John Staddler! What a pleasant surprise you were! :)

Travel: NYC 

visited Jamie & Steven (thanks guys!) 

Experienced: Central Park to the full extent (gorgeous!!!!), Mr. Softee, MoMA, Chelsea, LES Greene's new locale opening (Congrats Nathan!), bit of shopping, a bit of catching up with the Ringling peeps in Williamsburg, a little bit too much "frat boy special" with the ladies and Mauro, a little bit of sleeping at Marcie's and re-connecting with the kitties.

Celeb siting: John Turturro on the 6

AUGUST: 

Work featured in New American Paintings

Sprinkle in some studio visits before I moved; start work on website

Matt and I receive grant to repair exterior of our historical home in KCMO; work is completed; house looks amazing; neighbors are jealous. Matt's brother moved into the third floor "loft."

SEPTEMBER:

moved to Chicago!!! 

You can find me on the south side (Obama-ville) making my home in Hyde Park. Chicago has been so good to me! Great apartment, even better studio space, beautiful campus, amazing faculty... I've retired the car and taken to biking. This is only the second week of classes and my brain is already full speed ahead. Matt is finally here! He's trying to find his niche among the plethora of med programs. He's just looking forward starting residency next year (and lasting 4-6 years).  

 Whew! I'm parked here for the near future and I promise I'll blog more.

Also, keep your eyes peeled for my work in The Benefactor. It's an art magazine and the issue will come out Dec/Jan 09. 

ttyl

The Big D

Matt and I are on our way to Dallas- Love Field. I 'love' the name of that airport! This will be our first trip, er... VACATION... since our honeymoon 7 months ago. It's Matt's first break since then! Wow. We've been workin' it hard. Over the last week, in-between work and work and other stuff, we refinished the floors on the third floor of our house. It is safe to say, that is some back breaking work!! Good lord, I really underestimated that project. I tried to stay out of the house all day so Matt and Andy could just, um, get it all done without me! We had a great time at the artist talk at my show at the Arts Incubator. Then I de-installed my work at Paragraph and hauled the work across town to EG Schempf to get the slides done. I chatted with him and Lilly, had a beer and chatted about the kcmo art scene. He has fantastic, lifelong, insight on the subject. I prolonged this meeting in hopes the sanding would be done when I got home. No dice. I returned and helped sand the second and third finest grades of sandpaper. Then we feverishly stained until unthinkable happened - we spilled can of stain. No biggie, you can't even tell. Whew! Hope Andy is here to enjoy it but we'll see... Calli is calling him.

The Painting That Crashed and Burned

Okay, so apparently, not every painting is a smashing success. Today I wanted to feature my first photo on the blog to elaborate on how I suffocated this painting. Embarrassing, I know, but getting this out in the open can only make it better! So, for some reason I wanted to throw every trick in my bag into this piece. That was my first bad move. Previous to this one, I had been working on several pieces that required lots of restraint. By restraint I mean making more conscious, tough decisions and stopping to look, think, and examine before I make another mark. And to err on the side of not making an unnecessary mark rather than adding masses of them. But not in this particular painting. Argh!!  If you can imagine- this pic is not the most recent stage- it actually got busier.  Yes, it's horribly true. From this I have learned that I cannot fix everything. And, more importantly, I cannot approach a painting with a desire to just be brash and showy for personal catharsis without content motive. It left me without a way to navigate. Sometimes paintings crash and burn- but we painters don't want to disclose this. One of my undergrad instructors encouraged us to make seemingly tons of work, "because only 30% of the works are the really, really good pieces." Some things just have to fail in order to move me in the right direction.  

It's funny how this failure in painting illuminated the relationship category of my life. My husband makes a visit to the studio, takes one look at this garish painting and says, "just start a new one."  With an air of, what's the big deal? He single-handedly helps me take myself waaay less seriously. Yes, his read was simple and  straightforward but that is why I love his presence. I take what I do so seriously, sometimes letting go of an unsuccessful piece is terrifying. I think, there is no logical way I can start and complete another work by the deadline. And I am wrong. My art does not really function on a logical level- it is measured by how much furious effort and intent I pour into it. Rarely am I not rewarded for taking an illogical risk. 

I hope that I never take him for granted. 

For Like Sure

I'm not interested in being definitive. I'm not interested in attaining anything remotely close to perfection. But I am interested in peeling back all the layers to get to the core of my work. I believe I knew what the core was back in 2006. However, many evolutions since then, I can't put my finger on it. I just follow this instinct. I know what I need and then I make it. I am always surprised as to what comes out. I constantly thwart any concrete references to anything understandable and distilled.

I wonder if that core instinct is instinct itself? How I and many others navigate our daily lives is far removed from any kind of natural existence. It is built upon many givens that can be taken away if one block is pulled out of place. My life right now is not about immersion or slowly becoming aware. It's about hustling- in more than one meaning. At every moment in the back of my mind I think about taking life at a pace I dictate. That sparkling possibility looms in front of me starting in September and I wonder if I will be able to accept this. I had a conversation with a 1st year when I visited U of C about just that. It is so easy to stack duties in front of you that add up to instant gratification but thwart ultimate goals. What will I do with myself when the opportunity to focus is in front of me? Will I be prepared to accept that? How does one go about reversing their habits of survival of go, go, go and being acclimating to their own true inner pace?

Houndstooth

Okay, so I've been avoiding blogging. Apparently there are expectations I have of my "live" writing abilities. These expectations can really be debilitating. And so, I'll move swiftly on. I am currently moving into my new studio digs. I am finding how much I enjoy a blank space to work in. My knee-jerk reaction was to move-in as much of my stuff in as possible. Now I realize I would rather have a blank contemplative space to work. More junk surrounding me, the more jumbled thoughts I have- more organization, more clarity. And I don't like chatchky or bric-a-brac... I really admire it in your home, I just don't want it around me. Who knew, even as an artist, I had a stereotype in my mind. Not all artists are funky-dory.

I don't believe that "everything has been done before." I just don't. I do believe that the forces that be (mass media and such) don't illuminate things that are new and different, that cross boundaries and re-examine history. This structure of influence and exposure makes it necessary to turn over rocks on the Internet and follow breadcrumbs of influences in order to find the really heady stuff. It's there. Though it might be thinly veiled and require some effort to access. "Original thought" is also a myth. No one has a thought that isn't built upon one or one-hundred thoughts of others before them. Those thoughts just come in different packages- be it a loaf of bread, a man-hole cover, a poster, a wrapper, a building structure, music, religion, theory, etc. And I am proud to absorb everything around me in order to make "new" work. Just give it props! Do people genuinely believe they came up with something completely on their own?

http://http://www.turtlezen.com/originalthoughts.html

http://www.originalthoughtmag.com/mag/

http://www.philogos.org/original.html

The Richard Simmons of Wondering

So, the first thing I should do is address this desire to focus on Wondering.

Wondering needs to be fostered and nurtured in order to grow.  Sometimes I wonder if Wondering itself is a luxury, but now I believe I can lead my life however I determine. That does mean sacrifice in other areas. In order to foster creativity and wondering, i has to be at the top of my daily agenda. Over the last two years, I have learned I am more energized and satisfied if I put all my efforts into a smaller number of categories. Life can get away from me if I don't focus and exercise self-discipline to get into the studio. 

A huge part of Wondering is surrendering to the moment. I was never one for surrendering, but sometimes better outcomes occur than I could ever have imagined. I'm done with forcing things to occur. If I just keep working hard, the work will improve and I will find myself in the right place at the right time- and my entire art practice will reach another level.

Maybe my notion of Wondering is similar to meditation. Focusing on a certain subject but being open to other thoughts flitting through. This is also how I want my paintings to communicate. They announce and idea but not a complete thought.

I have attached a link to one of my favorite Internet gems- Sol Le Witt's Sentences on Conceptual Art. I love how random yet rich they are. Also love the 'bullet point' format- kind of undermines the huge implications these have. They function as great starting points for a Wondering sesh- just as long as we don't interpret anything too literally.

The Passion is the Painting

A friend of mine recently posed a question regarding an essay I had written. "Okay, I get it. It sounds very academic, but I want to hear from you! What are your passions, inspirations, frustrations, etc."

This revealing thing, in painting, is intrinsic to the process for me. But writing about it is a whooole different ballgame. And so this blog will stand for me as an exercise to reveal more. Reveal more about the process, the raging frustrations, the challenges, the rewards, the ebbs and flows, about what goes on behind the painting surface.

And it's out there for complete strangers to judge. Scary... I know.